How often have you heard someone say lately – “Wouldn’t the Rob Ford Story make a great
musical? Wouldn’t it make a great opera?
It’s an epic tale!!”
Well, we sure thought
so because for the past five weeks we have been in a creative fever- writing
and composing exactly that! Our
keyboards are smoking and all of our circuits singed from burning the candle at
both ends to get our cracktackular production
of of Rob Ford!! The Musical!! –It’s Not Over Until the Fat Man Sings!” to the
point of digital mastery!
Who Is Gravy Train
Theatre?
We are Bernard
Maiezza and Donna Lypchuk, the dream team behind Gravy Train Theatre and “Rob Ford!! The Musical! – It’s Not Over
Until the Fat Man Sings!”
Since early September 2013, both of us have been
collaborating on a traditional five-act two-hour musical with a full soundtrack
and written ALL in rhyme about the hee-larious, jaw-dropping, council-stopping,
stupefying, terrifying, bumbling, stumbling and sometimes also quite poignant
antics of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.
In fact, we were
recently inspired to put the project on Indiegogo just simply because some of
the lyrics we have written so far have turned out to be quite prophetic about
recent events; we just could not resist the kismet that might be associated with
that kind of synchronicity!
Also this is a TORONTO story and Torontonians should own
this epic tale in an acomplished, witty and professional manner that brings
positive energy, enthusiasm and support for the arts to this city!
We Are Getting This
Done! Now!
If you want to hear samples of our song writing go here
now. (Tech Tip - the Press Play button is at very top of web page in upper left-hand corner.
Songs With Lyrics as sung by Guy Alaimo
https://soundcloud.com/donna-lypchuk/rob-ford-teasers-sung-with
https://soundcloud.com/donna-lypchuk/teasers-1-ford-nation
There are three songs without lyrics in a 2:30 clip
including –
1.
Ford Nation Sensation – The theme song of a
popular Mayor
2.
Etobicoke Strip Mall Metal – The anthem of Doug
and Rob Ford’s Youth
3.
Drug Lord Swan Song – A “rap-sody” for a street
gang
If you want see a scene sample scroll to the bottom of the
page and start reading under the heading
DOUG FORD’S SONG. Fun Fact: this scene was written by Donna weeks before
the actual “crack confession” transpired on November 4, 2013.
Over the next few weeks of this Indiegogo campaign we will
also be uploading other musical clips and scenes from our musical so be sure to
stay tuned to this Indie Gogo page and also our facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rob-Ford-The-Musical-Indiegogo-Campaign/
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Don't forget as well that you can contribute any amount you like and that you can also donate without revealing your name.
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Benefits to You,
Toronto and Our Cultural Community.
We are asking for $42,500 for the three months it will take
us to fully compose and complete the musical as well as hire singers and actors
to help us refine it and record it. This
is Phase I of a process that will hopefully catapult this to the stage.
This musical will be completely digitally recorded with a
full score that will be accompanied by a full script so that it can be
performed easily without an orchestra.
OUR ESTIMATED COMPLETION DATE is March 1, 2014.
The script is designed so that it can be performed with a cast
of less than twenty or more and thus be performed inexpensively by theatre groups
of all sizes and income again and again.
This project will bring the City of Toronto a lot of positive
attention, employment for actors and musicians. Wealso firmly believe that, for
better or worse, that Rob Ford has become such a huge international celebrity
(even if for all the wrong reasons) that a musical like this would be a hit
with the tourists!
Our Creative Vision
We see Rob Ford as the contemporary Every Man, a Canadian
Family Guy like Peter Griffin and the ultimate Canadian Hoser Anti-hero of
Strip Mall suburbia whose story is almost as mythic in porportion to his girth. Yet as yet also a tragic figure running a
comedy of terrors in his personal life and at City Hall; the bully who once
bullied and who has a big brother that is always doing his homework for
him. We want to write a great musical
about the human condition, not just an SCTV sketch, that truly gives a bit of a
pang to the heart . We write songs that you will be humming in the shower and
lyrics that will be stolen by late-night show writers.
We have already been busy scrying the highlights of the
surreal and highly entertaining movie trailer that make up the Mayor’s
fascinating, complex character and life.
This musicial biopic is our melodious homage to all of the wonderful “Canadian
Heritage Moments” that Mayor Ford has brought the City of Toronto so far … we
feel that Mayor Ford’s issues, such as his addiction, are be like the Toronto
version of “Breaking Bad” but with a touch of the buffoon. His foibles are a
mirror of how Canadian society has changed from one that has blind faith into a
barely working system to one that has woken up from a bad dream and is now
going to do somethng about it.
Our Commitment to
Quality Entertainment
When you donate money to us we want you to be thinking about
writer/composer teams such as Elton John and Bernie Taupin, Andrew Lloyd Weber
and Tim Rice or Andrew Rainger and Dorothy Parker. We are aspiring to be nothing less than then
the best and will be creating a musical that Toronto will be proud to see
playing on world stages. We want our
songs to be like earworms that you cannot get out of your heads and to write
lyrics that you can sing along to, just like in The Rocky Horror Theater Show or Jesus Christ Superstar.
It is important for
Torontonians to own this epic story and handle it with the wit, humor and sophisticated insight that characterizes our arts community.
Rob Ford. That's entertainment! This stuff practically writes itself!!
Biographies
Bernard Maiezza
is a veteran member of many successful Toronto bands including Change of Heart, A Neon Rome and Cookie Duster (just to name a few.)
He is also a reknowned composer and music producer who has scored the
soundtracks to many feature films including the Genie Nominated soundtrack to Trigger (2010), Orange Witness (2012),
Cherical (2009), The Tracey Fragments (2008) and The Last Feast (2007). His T.V. soundtracks include Gatroblasters (2013), Klang Invasion (2009)
and Dudson (2005). His dulcet and persuasive sound stylings are
familiar to many in commercials for KFC, Jaffa, Bell, Rogers, Ford, Chevrolet,
Arby’s, Sears and the Playboy Channel.
He also recorded and produced Broken Social Scene in The Time Travellers Wife (2008.)
Donna Lypchuk is a
humorist, short story writer and critic with thousands of publication and
broadcasting credits to her name. She is best known for her column “the necrofile” (eye magazine 1993 -2000)
that is compiled into two collections “the
necrofiles” (Gutter Press:1993) and “Necrofiles
II” (Insomniac Press;1993.)
In 1998 her two-hour five-act musical “Tragedy of Manners” opened the mainstage season at Theatre Passe
Muraille with a cast of 43. This landmark production,about Queen Street West and the residents of the Cameron
Hotel, was directed by artistic director Clark Rogers. It ran for 10 weeks; a
big first for a non-equity large scale musical in Toronto and it stilll is the
largest local business and community supported non-union musical production
ever staged in Canada. She is also a past resident of the Canadian Center for
Film Studies screenwriting program and has previously screenplays optioned with
Alliance Entertainment, Dominion Pictures, Miracle Pictures, Shadow Shows and
others.
ALL ABOARD THE GRAVY TRAIN!!
DONATE SOON!!
Media inquiries – ghostwriter108@gmail.com
*SCENE SAMPLE - DOUG FORD"S SONG*
Note to the reader –
There are many musical themes in this one scene and Doug Ford’s Song is
actually three “parodies of melodies” in one performance. We will be uploading additional scenes and
tunes during the next few weeks of the campaign.
The time line on this
in the Rob Ford epic tale is just before there is an announcement that the cell
video has been seen by a Toronto Star Reporter.
Doug Ford’s Song
The strains of Ford
Nation Sensation fade away. The Chorus (Members of the Press) crowd about the
Mayor who is not visible. Doug Holyday is napping in a chair at the side of the
stage.
Doug Ford pushes the
members of the press aside.
Members of the Press
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
Can we have one minute of your time!
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
Did you commit that heinous crime?
Rob Ford pushes his
way upstage past the crowd.
Rob Ford
Hey guys, move out of my way!
Are you deaf? I said! NO QUESTIONS TODAY!!
Members of the Press
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
Are you addicted to meth cocaine?
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor
Why do you look like you’re in pain?
Rob Ford
Hey guys give me a break!
All you do is take, take, take!
All you do is write lies, lies, lies!
Delivery Guy:
Here Mr. Mayor is
your gravy with fries.
Deadpan to audience
“I hear its good for a hangover!”
Doug Ford addresses
The Members of the Press
Doug Ford
I just don’t know what’s with you guys
My brother does not do coke
You’re all over him like a bunch of flies
You’re a friggin bloody joke
The Globe and Mail, The National Post and
And the stupid Toronto Staarrr
All I know is that no decent folk
Would let this go so far!
Rob Ford (pointing to Doug Holyday)
All he knows is that no decent
folk
Would let this go this far
Isn’t that right, Doug?
Doug Holy Day:
(waking from nap – not in rhyme)
“Choo choo all aboard the gravy train?”
Is it my turn? Who
quit now?
All I know is that Rob Ford is a good boy!
Time for sleep now …zzzz
Reporter:
I am the daytime reporter
From CP 24…
Since eight o clock this morning
I ‘ve been standing at your door!!
Rob Ford:
Who gives a crap what you do!
Get rid of this media whore!!!
The press crowds in on
Ford. The flashbulbs pop!
Do you guys mind?
I’m going blind!!
Reporter: Mr. Mayor are you addicted to crack!
Ford: No, I always hang out with guys that are
black!!
Reporter: You’re
the world’s worst Mayor you really stink!
Doug Ford: I have never seen my brother once take a
drink!
Doug Holy Day (in
doddering voice)
Is something happening?
What should I say?
I didn’t read the Toronto Sun today!!
Chorus Members read newspapers with Front Page of Toronto Star
Open
“Mayor Caught Smoking Crack!” Headline.
Rob Ford (aside to Doug Ford)
Who the feck is this Lois Lane?
I heard she’s some kind of slut
Doug Ford
Just focus on the gravy train
I’ll make sure that tape is kaput!
Rob Ford (vaudeville type conversation)
Who does she that reporter think she is anyways?
Doug Ford
She’s no Sunshine Girl that’s for sure!!
Why the hell were you in that apartment?
Rob Ford
I don’t know its all a blur!!
Rob Ford (whispering to Doug)
Do you think they know about the tranny?
Who could tell for goodness sake?
Doug Ford
For a guy he had a beautiful fanny
It was an innocent mistake
They nudge and smile. The flashbulbs pop. They pose!
Rob Ford
On the back page of the Toronto SUN!!
WHO KNEW IT WAS A MAN For Pet’es Sake!
Doug pats Rob on the back and gets out a giant bottle of ADD
pills.
(back to song)
The Press
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
Why won’t you answer back!
Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor!
Is it true that you do crack?
Doug Ford
Don’t you worry brother!
I’ll protect you from this crowd!
Rob Ford
They’re just a bunch of bullies
And they’re gettting kind of loud
This is the mayor’s office
And it’s not’s so dignified
I really think these losers
Should make their way outside!
Doug Ford
Excuse me folks get out of our way!
Rob Ford
I have a city to run and I don’t have all day.
Doug
The city today is going to be really really busy!
Rob Ford
I don’t know why this crack video thing has you all in
such... a …tizzy!!!
Rob Ford stumbles around as if blinded and walks right into
a camera.
Jeez, you guys ow!
Doug Ford
Okay that’s enough questions for now!
Rob Ford exits
howling in pain.
The Chorus howls with him and then it dissolves into
laughter.
Reporter 1:
Did you see that? He’s
the biggest buffoon!
Cameraman:
Watch where you’re going, what a maroon!
Reporter 2
He’s so stupid!. He’s
the stupidest mayor we have ever had!
Reporter 1
He’s an embarrassment to Toronto making us all look bad!
Reporter 2
Caught doing crack on a cellphone – what a big mess!
Reporter 1
He can’t get away with this. He will be crucified in the
press!
The stage goes darker
Crowd (a la Jesus Christ
Superstar)
Yes!! Crucify him.
Crucify him!
Crucify him in the press!
Crucify him!
Crucify him!
Crucify him in the press!
Crucify him in Now Magazine
Crucify him in the Grid!
Crucify him on Gawker
For the Highest Bid!!
Crucify him in the morning
Crucify him at night
Crucify him on Facebook
The Toronto Star is Right!!
(going all Bob Fosse with chugg a chugg sound the Mayor)
Crucify him. Crucify him. Crucify him.
Doug Ford
Stop!!!!!! HAVE YOU
ALL GONE FRIGGIN INSANE?
Chorus of Press stops
and looks at him
Just stop what you are doing and take a look at
yourselves!!!
You’re not HUMAN You’re like
a pack of wolves looking for blood!! MY BROTHER”S BLOOD! The Mayor of Toronto’s BLOOD! The MAYOR that most people, except for some
artists and haters downtown voted for with an OVERWHELMING MAJORITY!
YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE OFFICE OF THE MAYOR!
AREN’T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES?
(The chorus stops and
hangs its head – a spotlight appears on Doug Ford for his big number.) *Indiegogo layout fields would not let us do some formatting spacing that are in the real script.
What kind of people are you?
Are you not ….human too?
Don’t you see what I see?
He’s my little brother Robbie
Since the age of three
He has always needed me
And I have always told him where to go
Because yes, he can be a little slow
He’s not a monster like you think!
Or compensating because of a little dink!
He’s not a bully or a drunk
He’s not a dirty rotten skunk
If only you could see the boy
The boy that brought me so much joy
We ran and played and rode our bikes
We played football in brand new Nikes
He comes off real tough but he’s a real good guy
You don’t know it but you can make him cry!
He loves his boys and and is a real team player
IT was quite an accomplishment when he became Mayor!!
He’s just a man, like any man that you would see
At the height of his powers like Harry Houdini
It was always his dream to be the Mayor
As he never was a lady slayer
He never did drugs, no not at all
Even when we went to the Fairview Mall
And he always looked up to me
And I am the one who made him see
That he was not the sniveling coward Rob Ford
But a popular youth leader we all adored.
I’m the man who taught him cool
And how to cheat on tests in school
And how to comb his mullet straight up
And how to do the Etobicoke strip mall strut
And I am the man who is always there
Even, but especially
when LIFE’s NOT FAIR….
The time he got his tongue stuck on fence…
The time he got stuck paying two rents…
The time he got pulled over for smoking dope…
I am there for him when he just. Can’t. Cope!
The time he subpoenaed the wife (pauses awkwardly a bar)
Hey folks, that’s just life!
Can’t you see who he is?
How can you be so blind?
He’s a man like you and I!!
Why be so unkind?
He’s just a Mayor not the Super Mayor
Not a monster dragon slayer
He has needs like you and I…
Why can’t you see..?
Who Robert Ford is to meeee….
I am there for you Robbie.
You are my little brother
Nobody messes with us
Or our mother
I am there for you Robbie
You have made us so proud
When you became Mayor
I wanted to shout so loud
Whenever you need me
You need only whisper my name
I will appear in a dream
And we will play our best game
We’re going to win this thing Robbie
We’re going to do what it takes
In the Land of Never Give UP
There Are No Fucking Mistakes
And if anyone messes with you
They have to mess with me
Because I have been looking after you
Since the age of three!
I am there for you Robbie!
Like a blooming man flower!
And if nobody understands you …
Well I do…
Don’t worry Robbie!
Because I got your back
Even though I probably know
That you did all that crack!
It us against them!
Them against us!
I won’t let them throw you
Under the bus!
I can see through your smile
My brave little guy
When they call you a liar
For you will I lie
For you I would die!
You’re my brother…
I am there!
I am there!
I am there!
For youuuu!!!!
The Press looks on
dumbfounded. Doug Holyday starts a slow
clap.
REPORTER:
Crucify him!
REPORTER 2:
CRUCIFY HIM IN THE PRESS!!
CHORUS
Yes!! Crucify him.
Crucify him!
Crucify him in the press!
Crucify him!
Crucify him!
Crucify him in the press!
Crucify him Now Magazine
Crucify him in the Grid!
Crucify him on Gawker
For the Highest Bid
Crucify him in the morning
Crucify him =at night
Crucify him on Facebook
The Toronto Star is Right!!
(going all Bob Fosse
with chugg a chugg sound)
Crucify him. Crucify him. Crucify him!
For more scenes, tunes and regular updates as to our creative progress, please join or Facebook page called Rob Ford - The Musical.
ADDED NOVEMBER 19 LYRICS TO DEMO SAMPLE
Songs With Lyrics as sung by Guy Alaimo
https://soundcloud.com/donna-lypchuk/rob-ford-t...