Hi Kids!
I'm Felix Clay and I write for Cracked.com. Perhaps you've chuckled at my hilarious quips in the past. I hope so. Let's be pals!
Turns out when I went to college, I was supposed to pay. Oh my god, right? Who knew? Well, it's been a few years and it looks like the people who loaned me all that money want it back now.
Of course, if I were a smarter man I would have fixed this issue myself a long time ago, but I'm not a smarter man and I don't have a time machine so I have to deal with this today lest I be sent to modern debtor's prison. Do they have those? If not, I'll probably just have some guys in suits break my knees.
Basically I need to pay off a whopping $25,000 debt so that I can keep being cool and keep being me. But fear not, I'm not just expecting you to pick me up because I fell down, I'm not a 100% freeloader. Instead, I want you to help me do what I always do and this time you're the beneficiary. You help me and i'll write for you. I got perks, y'all!
As you'll see, I'm trying to do what I do best (or at least moderately well) on your behalf. Help me and I'll create for you. As for when, it'll be as soon as possible. But if 25,000 people donate $1 each, it may be a while for me to write 25,000 100 word short stories. But don't doubt that I will absolutely do it, it'll just take me a while. Please be patient if that's the case.
So why am I doing this here, to you cats? Because the internet is my home these days - this is where I live. I moved to Canada for my day job but I work here, i have friends here, I can be myself here. And for whatever reason, people like you like what i do and that's what keeps me going in life. Some people find their purpose in helping others, in raising a family, in caring for the sick, or animals, or inventing and creating. What I do is write. i make jokes, I make observations. I share ideas, and puns and wordplay. I do it because I want to make you laugh. The world is grim sometimes and we all have down days; bad luck, depression or just the weight of the world hitting us square in the back. So if I can lighten the load a little, put a smile on your face or make you laugh when things aren't their best, then I did my job. I always say I'm not curing cancer, but I'm doing what I have a talent for, and that has a place too.
if you can help me, awesome. if you can't , I just appreciate knowing you read this and know what I do. I'll keep doing it as long as I can.
Thanks!
FAQ!
Q. How do I send you the info you need for my story? Will you contact me or do I need to do something?
A:You have two options here! Either leave a comment with your name and preferred story details or wait for me to shoot an email your way. The email option will take more time.
Q: What am I allowed to do with my stories? Can I share them with friends on facebook? Can I laminate it and put it in my wallet?
A:Once the story is yours, it's 100% yours to do with as you please. Share it, post it, whatever.
Q: Was the orgy you attended a Canadian orgy, or?
A: Or!
Q: What kind of Doodles do you doodle?
A: This kind!
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Q: What's in the Memento perk?
A: All memento packs will be different. but they will contain 2 items of my choosing and a story centered around them. This will give you an idea of maybe some of the kinds of things that could show up!
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Q: What's the difference between a Felix Clay Surprise Pack and a Memento Perk?
A: The Surprise Pack is bigger and more intense. From a comedic standpoint, it's the difference between a pie in the face and like 20 pies in 20 faces. it's 20 pies better is what it is.