Who is JJ?
"Jennie Joy," they said when I popped out into the world, naked as they come, and naked I came, except for a head full of hair so thick they called me "the Russian."
No joke, the Russian..
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So there I was, hairy as could be and trying to figure out how to fit into this world along side all of my bald baby friends so delicately covered in peach fuzz.
And thirty-one years later, so goes the rest of my story of trying to figure out how to fit into a world that I wasn't made for.
I'm still pretty hairy and rough around the edges, but I smell like egyptian musk and blackberry sage when I take the time to clean up. I'm in recovery from being a middle child, a preacher's kid, a co-dependent, a people-pleaser, being mis-understood when I said no the first time, being broken-hearted one too many times, an aggressive eating disorder, an adult child of a dysfunctional family, divorced parents and severe depression, all while coming out victorious after fighting one hell of a fight in December of 2013. Literally, one hell of a fight, as I found myself back in a hospital bed fighting a battle that was not of this world, saved not by the hands of the doctors, but by the utterance of the three most powerful words I would ever come to know… Jesus is Lord.
The story of my life cannot be told without these three words.
And so the story goes, giving up the story I used to tell, that every thing was fine, when in reality everything was not; claiming the truth, ugly as it may be; and learning how to live well without excusing myself to settle for anything less than a full life.
I cry hard and laugh often. I love to dance, second only to writing and third only to Jesus. I think the best romance is made up of chocolate and peanut butter, and the best love story belongs to Johnny and June Carter Cash. My mom doesn't know I have four tattoos and this is my way of telling her. I've gone from barista to flight attendant to dog walker to preschool chef to now pursuing that which I love most in life, writing...
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It's not the most glamorous life, but I love it.
Thus begins my life at thirty (one). With a lot of baggage and a long road ahead, I've shaken off all the unnecessaries, packed light for the rest of the journey and expressed my desires while surrendering my plans to the only Man I find worth pursuing. I've never been more terrified and more excited in all my life.
I'm showing up for life, again, a little late, but better late than never. Being restless at heart with a seemingly insatiable hunger for travel and desire to follow Jesus no matter how crazy He gets, I have downsized from my studio on a duck pond in Portland, Oregon into a Volkswagen Vanagon in San Diego, California.
Yes, I live in a van... down by the ocean.
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Thanks for joining me on this raw and real journey. It's called a spade, and it ain't always pretty, but real life beats all.
And I believe in the power of good stories...
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Which is why I want to write (not just a book) this book...
to talk openly and honestly about the things in life that haven't been so easy to be open and honest about... to encourage others to step out of the dark into the light, painful as the light may be, so the healing can begin.
The book is based on my blog, it's called a spade, where you will find the collection of stories and what they are about...
"This is a collection of stories about life, about people and God, about recovery and relapse, about heartache and brokenness and the reality that life is hard coupled with the fact that there is hope and healing, even if it comes without answers; healing in ways that can’t be prescribed or used as blanket formulas for every heartache, as each cause for heartache is as different as the heart that is aching.
This is a collection of stories from a girl who almost disappeared in her efforts to be seen, a girl who grew up in a culture that called spades hearts and smiled while bluffing. This is a collection of stories from a girl that drops J-bombs and F-bombs, sometimes within the same breath because she fully believes the truth that life is hard and the occasional F-bomb is necessary, just as much as she fully believes that Jesus heals, recovers, revives and restores.
This is a collection of stories about calling a spade a spade because the truth will indeed set you free if in no other way than just allowing you to breathe again without the strain of trying to hide all of the ugly and hold the pain in.
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It’s called a spade. It’s not as pretty as the diamond, as lovely as the heart, or as eclectic as the club, but it is what it is, a spade, vulgar and unattractive as it may be, it’s a spade, and merely calling it what it is makes me feel a little less crazy, a little less like I am living a lie. It points up, the spade, because when you start telling the truth, the outcome may be hard at first, even unbearable, but things do start looking up.
For most of my life I have called spades hearts, and I’m tired of bluffing.
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My prayer in sharing these stories is for all venom to be removed from my heart as I spit out the truth. I pray for truth in the form of love and for grace upon grace upon grace, for myself and for you."
Which is why I need your help...
to make it happen. In an effort to live what I preach, or write, I realize that I need to be willing to bring people into the process with me... because that's what I always tell people, that for as difficult as it may be to ask for help, if for no other reason than revealing what you need help with, don't go it alone!
And so I need help to fund the publishing process, in part because I don't have all of the money, let's just go ahead and call that spade, but also in part because I firmly believe in this being a book for any and all people, made possible by any and all people... a community project. I'm not here to convince anyone of anything, not even to believe what I believe, I'm here to tell true stories that involve real people from all walks of life, which is why if any of what I am saying here or over at it's called a spade jives with you, I'd love for you to be a part of putting the blog into a book and onto a shelve.
I love the act of writing and I believe in the power of stories, and though I will blog until my heart stops beating if that is the only medium I am given, I believe in the beauty of ink on paper and the impact it has to change lives if placed in open hands.
While I am writing from a Christian perspective, I write about the tough stuff with much more to say than just "I'll pray for you," or "have more faith," words that may have been well intended, but I believe have often caused more harm then help.
Stories include:
Anxiety, Addiction, Depression, Divorce, Dysfunctional Families (my family puts the FUN in dysfunctional), Eating Disorders, Healing, Homelessness, Homosexuality, Hope, Humor, Rehab, Relapse, Relationships, Restoration, Self-Medication, Sex, Spiritual Warfare, Suicide,
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and lots of Jesus.
See story examples here:
All Day Long
Worn Out Shoes
What I Need & What You Get
I am working with WestBow Press, a division of Thomas Nelson and Zondervan, to pursue the self-publishing route.
Per their website, "WestBow Press is a non-traditional, indie publisher. There are many advantages to indie publishing. You remain in complete control of the finished product because you get to decide what text, images, illustrations, fonts, etc. to use in your book. You retain the rights of your manuscript, unlike a traditional publisher. The timeline from start to finish is much quicker than a traditional publisher, which often takes two or more years to complete.
Additionally, you do not need an agent, eating into potential profits, in order to get your manuscript noticed, accepted and published. Also, unlike traditional publishers who only market their most promising titles, we offer marketing materials and promotional services."
I need $7000 to help purchase the publishing package which includes:
Softcover Format, ISBN Assignment, Worldwide Book Distribution, Library of Congress Control Number, U.S. Copyright Registration, Book Interior and Cover Design, Included in the WestBow Press Catalog, Author Learning Center Subscription, Author's Copies of Books, E-book Format and Distribution, Hardcover Format, Image Insertion/Text Treatments, Editorial Assessment, Barnes & Noble See Inside the Book Preview, Google & Amazon Search Program, Booksellers Return Program, Author Website, Promotional Materials (bookmarks, postcards, business cards), Press Release, Social Media Setup Guide, Data Entry Service, Indexing Service, Book Signing Kit, Standard Book Video.
(included in the total is the 4% that goes to indiegogo, and the 3-5% to third parties, credit card processing and paypal)
AND YOU'LL GET... REWARDS!
I know, I'm visual too, but READ THIS PART!!!
I'll be honest, because that's what I do, my rewards are about as grassroots as this campaign. If I had celebrity status stuff to offer you, I would, but alas, I got me and the limited ability to share simple things I love... like books and good music and coffee mugs and art.
Keeping in mind that one shouldn't store up treasures that rot and rust ;) I'm excited to offer non-tradtional, personalized incentives for those who jump on board with this project. I would LOVE to be able to offer so much more, but so as not to ask for more money just so I can reward people, I'm taking a simpler route by offering incentives that have a more personal touch. It's a small way for you to get to know the author of the book you are reading, as well as more fun than a generic gift from a chain store.
The incentives may seem random, but they express my personality and desire to see people simplify their lives by not adding more stuff to it...
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Do we really need one more tee shirt or picture frame or coffee mug? Okay, so I may be offering a coffee mug, but only to a few, and it will be picked out at random, personal to the person who picked that perk.
Some of the perks repeat themselves just with a higher donation amount on them. You can also opt for no perk and simply donate! I'm hoping and praying more than just receiving a reward, people will want to read this book! I wish I could offer free copies of the book to all who donate, but I am limited to the amount of books I get... and plus I'm hoping it sells (if we're being honest). Honestly, every little bit helps, and I can't say THANK YOU enough to all those who do help.
Side note: perks to be mailed can only be mailed within the Fifty Nifty United States. Okay, sort of. Alaska and Hawaii, love y'all, sincerely I do, and will certainly mail postcards your way, but that is it by way of mail outs. However, I will be coming for a visit soon! Sorry world, I love ya, I just don't have the funds to ship all over ya!
The Impact
I humbly think (is it humble if you call yourself humble? Forgive me for not knowing) this book could have a huge impact on a lot of people, be they in the Church or out. And I'm hoping this book helps mend some of the damage the Church (I include myself in that Church) has done to those not in the Church.
Risks & Challenges
Telling the truth is always a risk. Talking about things like addiction and relapse means talking about what happens when you find yourself there, which is never pretty, no matter what the addiction. I hope to share openly about my struggles, as well as how I've been affected by the struggles of others, telling my stories as best as I can while respecting the stories of others.
It's a risk to so fully put myself out there, and there's always fear involved with pursuing a passion, fear it won't happen, fear others won't hop on board, but I fully believe that writing this book is a calling on my life, which means I have to be honest about the life I have lived, in hopes that it will help others.
Other Ways You Can Help
SPREAD THE WORD!!
I realize not everyone can help financially, but there are many ways to help, namely by getting loud and getting the word out there.
Share this campaign link, share my blog it's called a spade, call your mother, father, brother, sister, aunt and uncle... text your neighbor, your BFF, your boyfriend, girlfriend, your ex (you have my permission, just kidding, sort of)... email, Facebook, Instagram this info to any and everyone you know.
Also, I'll always accept prayer, gluten free baked goods, and coffee dates (which looks more like having coffee together while I am writing).
And that's all there is to it.
