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Jeff Simmermon's Debut Comedy Album on Pink Vinyl

I'm pressing my album on 12 inches of pink vinyl! Click the "FEATURED PERK" below to pre-order!

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Jeff Simmermon's Debut Comedy Album on Pink Vinyl

Jeff Simmermon's Debut Comedy Album on Pink Vinyl

Jeff Simmermon's Debut Comedy Album on Pink Vinyl

Jeff Simmermon's Debut Comedy Album on Pink Vinyl

Jeff Simmermon's Debut Comedy Album on Pink Vinyl

I'm pressing my album on 12 inches of pink vinyl! Click the "FEATURED PERK" below to pre-order!

I'm pressing my album on 12 inches of pink vinyl! Click the "FEATURED PERK" below to pre-order!

I'm pressing my album on 12 inches of pink vinyl! Click the "FEATURED PERK" below to pre-order!

I'm pressing my album on 12 inches of pink vinyl! Click the "FEATURED PERK" below to pre-order!

Jeff Simmermon
Jeff Simmermon
Jeff Simmermon
Jeff Simmermon
1 Campaign |
New York City, United States
$5,779 USD by 95 backers
$5,749 USD by 94 backers on Jul 1, 2017
Overview
**This campaign is fully funded and moving into production, with a test pressing arriving 8/22! Now you can consider this a pre-order page** I’ve wanted to produce my own record on actual vinyl ever since I started listening to Steve Martin records in my bedroom in the 6th grade - and now that my first comedy album is coming out, it’s a perfect time to do a limited run of the record. You can pre-order your own copy here to a) have a copy of your own and b) help with the production cost.

Short Summary

Hey guys: I’m a standup comic and storyteller in New York City, and you may have heard my work on The Moth’s podcast, or This American Life

I’m 40 years old, a cancer survivor, and in 2013 I stepped out of a lucrative, stable and secure corporate job to pursue standup and storytelling as a passion. It’s been terrifying, rewarding, depressing, and exciting, but it also feels like my soul had a plastic dry cleaner’s bag removed from its face. 

After 8 years of writing, rewriting, doing great shows and a lot of terrible ones and generally digging that ditch every damn day to get tighter, funnier, more relatable, to hone a vision and a voice that’s entirely my own — I’m releasing my first album. 

My album comes out digitally on June 9th - Comedy Dynamics will be releasing it on iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, really anywhere people listen to music online. And that’s great and all, but I thought it would be really cool to do a limited edition of this album on hot pink vinyl.

Why? Well, mostly because it would just be really cool. 

But also: the bulk of my material is really long. There are some 1-2 minute jokes in there, but there’s also four 8-15 minute stories. And something about the vinyl ritual invites a deeper listen. When you put a record on the turntable, you hold the cover in your hands. No ads interrupt it, nobody asks you to yank your earbuds out to tell them something a sign next to them says in 6-inch letters. 

This isn't going to change the world, and everybody's fears and insecurities will remain unchanged whether or not this record gets made. 

But this is cheaper than most online impulse buys, and it’s not lining the pockets of some mega-corporation. It’s an investment in the creative spirit, and at the very least, it’s an oversized novelty placemat with a cool story behind it. 

What I Need:

I need $5505.00 (USD) in order to fund limited edition run of ‘And I Am Not Lying,’ my debut comedy album on 140-gram hot pink vinyl. 

What You Get:

  •  at a minimum, you get a code that lets you download the album and listen to it on any device (except a record player)
     
  •  a copy of my album on the aforementioned hot pink vinyl, with a complimentary download code
     
  •  an EXCLUSIVE download of a brand-new ‘Royal Quiet Deluxe’ track, featuring me on the typewriter, Tim Gordon on guitar and two long-dead chickens on toy pianos. 
     
  •  a limited-edition picture disc 
     
  •  storytelling coaching
     
  •  I’ll come to your hometown and do a private show in your living room, barn, yard, or favorite venue. 

Here’s how the funding breaks down:

  1. $125 to master the album for vinyl. There are two things to overcome here:

     a) Sound that’s been mixed for digital sounds *terrible* in an analog format, and needs to be remixed to account for that. 

    b) Typically, 12” records only hold about 20 minutes of music per side. This is to allow the grooves physical space to account for the high highs of a piccolo/Robert Plant’s voice, and the low lows of a sad tuba/Bonham’s kick drum. My album is 57 minutes long. Standup is just talking and uproarious laughter, so it doesn’t need the same sonic range - but a mixing engineer needs to remix my album to cram 57 minutes of laser-sharp wit onto one 12” record. 
     
  2. $645 to actually cut the lacquer plates that it takes to physically make the record. This is a one-time fee, and if I only wanted the company to press 1 record, it would still cost $645 to do this. On the upside - if this thing is a runaway success and I do another pressing every year for the rest of my life, then I never have to get this done again. 
     
  3. $130 to create the metal stampers from the initial lacquers. These are the metal plates that actually mush my "little comedy skits" into hot vinyl. 
     
  4. $75 for 5 test pressings. These are the first few records they run to make sure that the press is working right, the sound is good, all that stuff. They press them and then FedEx them to me so I can hear them and I guess like, micromanage a process that I barely understand over the phone. 
     
  5. $975.00 to actually press 500 vinyl records. That doesn’t include the covers or labels, that’s just $975 for a pile of records to sit on the floor in a warehouse. 
     
  6. $75 to color the records hot pink. You may be asking “why pink vinyl?” Ask someone else - it should be obvious that it’s gonna look cool as all hell and it only costs a few pennies extra per record than black vinyl. 

    Seriously, $75 spread across 500 units to make a standout visual statement like this is CHUMP change. Let some other comic put out an off-brand Costco black vinyl record. It’s been done. Here’s how strongly I feel about this: if this campaign comes to close and is $75 under, you best believe you’ll see a last-minute donation by Sir Geoffray Zimmerman for $75 to make this happen. 
     
  7. $129.50 for 500 black and white labels - the labels that go on the actual record. That’s the paper part in the center of the album, surrounding the hole. No need to go NUTS on the frills here, we’re already making hot pink vinyl. Let’s don’t overkill this thing. This isn’t a no-frills record, it’s a record with a SINGLE FRILL: pink vinyl. 
     
  8. $55 for 500 white paper dust sleeves. If you’re like me, you’re gonna lose this thing within two weeks anyway, and you want to be able to easily replace it with a sleeve from a much less interesting record without compromising the overall presentation. 
     
  9. $568.50 for 500 jackets - that’s the cardboard part that actually holds the record, displays the artwork, what have you. It’s the actual album cover. If you want a hint as to what the cover art’s gonna be, take a look at almost any of the photos that I upload to this campaign. 
     
  10. $35 to actually stick the records in the dust sleeves and into the album covers themselves. I’m pretty sure this happens right here in Virginia, America, USA USA USA so it’s at least going to some super-hip college intern who will somehow manage to screw a few of these up instead of a damn foreigner that needs to support his children, wife, parents, in-laws and maybe a secret second family by sticking records into album covers all day. 
     
  11. $115 for download card setup and printing. Each album will also come with a complimentary digital download of the album, conveyed to you via the Internet. You’ll go to a website and enter a weird little code that reads like a robot sneezing, and if you want to extend the metaphor, the robot’s Kleenex would be a download card with the code printed on it. The cards, the codes, and the hosting of those files all cost $50. 
     
  12. $35 to stick the download cards into the records. These record companies really get you coming and going, huh?
     
  13. $75 to shrink-wrap each record. This stops them from spilling all over the truck when it takes a hard turn. 
     
  14. $50 to print stickers to put on the front of each record so people know there’s a digital download card included. You’d think this wouldn’t be that important, but have you ever tried to import music from a record to mp3? It’s a HUGE pain in the neck, and I’d rather people know I went out of my way to spare them that uniquely privileged form of suffering. 
     
  15. $40 to stick those stickers on the front of all 500 records. That part is automated, and I bet the college kid that’s doing all the other stuff doesn’t even know that he should be eyeing this machine like a wolf should eye a perfect, steaming chicken pot pie that’s just sitting there in the middle of the prairie.
     
  16. $1,100.00 to package and ship 200 records to good people like you who are donating your hard-earned funds to make this whole thing happen. I’m ballparking that I’ll sell 200 records through this fundraising campaign - not that I have any idea how to determine that number, it just felt right. 

    When you donate money, all your information goes into a spreadsheet that I’ll then share with the record manufacturer. They’ll package and ship all the records from their warehouse, saving me the inevitable strain that having 500 records, cardboard mailers and shipping stuff in a Brooklyn apartment will put on my relationship.

    Plus, you’ll actually get your records. I HATE going to the post office, and this means someone else that doesn’t mind it gets to do it.
     
  17.  $220 to ship the remaining records to my aforementioned Brooklyn apartment, where they can begin annoying my girlfriend at a slightly reduced rate. 
     
  18. $650 for ten custom-made picture discs, hand-cut by a company called Tangible Formats. They cut these with a diamond-tipped lathe one at a time. I’m making 5 of them available as rewards for high-end donors, and I’m going to give a few to some people that have gone much, much further out of their way to support me and my creative career for several decades. 
     
  19. $408 for IndieGoGo's fees. All this other stuff adds up to $5098, but they take 8 percent for their services.

If I don’t hit this whole goal, you guys will get all your money back. If I exceed this goal, I'll be applying the funds to a tour that I'm planning to promote this album this summer. It's one that I'm expecting to lose money on, and any excess funds here would help to defray that cost. 

The Impact

I grew up at a time when everyone had a band and you could drink from the faucet of history at so many tiny, grimy thrift stores and punk shows. I probably spent months in my room listening to Richard Pryor and George Carlin kick my mind open on vinyl and so many records by DC and VA bands like Avail, Action Patrol, Fugazi, Unrest, Lungfish, and more.  

To me, vinyl has always been a way that artists can do things their own way and get their audiences to pay their full, focused attention. 

It would mean so much to me to be able to pour a little jug of water back into the creative ocean I crawled out of in the first place. And if one day, some kid buys a dusty copy of this in a box at a used record store, the cycle will be complete. 

This won’t change the world, and it’s not going to get us all affordable health care. If you’re a friend of mine and you don’t contribute to this, you’re still my friend.

Risks & Challenges

To be honest, this is a pretty low-risk proposition. If this isn't fully funded in 30 days, you get your money back. 

Other Ways You Can Help

If you can't contribute, I totally understand. But there are other, free ways you can help!

  • You can share this link on Facebook and Twitter and wherever else and get it to more people that can contribute
  • All you have to do is use the IndieGoGo 'Share Tools,' or, really, just copy-paste this with whatever zingy copy you want!

Thanks for hearing me out!

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Choose your Perk

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Album on 12" Pink Vinyl

$25 USD
This is what the WHOLE thing is about: you'll get a copy of my album on 12" of hot pink vinyl, shipped right to your home or workplace. Each record will also include a complimentary digital download. The manufacturer estimates 8-12 weeks turnaround from the time the order is placed to the time the records are ready to ship.
Included Items
  • Digital download of the album
  • Album on 12" Pink Vinyl
Estimated Shipping
September 2017
45 out of 500 of claimed
Ships worldwide.

Digital download of the album

$10 USD
You'll receive my endless thanks and gratitude - as well as an email containing a download code that's redeemable for one digital download of my album.
Included Items
  • Digital download of the album
Estimated Shipping
June 2017
8 claimed

Show Tickets/Album Package

$50 USD
I've got a monthly variety show at UCB Theatre in NYC's East Village. It’s the second Friday of each month at midnight, hosted by me: http://bit.ly/2qvXKmE I’ll put your photo on the screen onstage and tell everyone in the audience about your generous contribution - and send you a video! And if you happen to be in NYC, I'll comp you and 3 friends!
Included Items
  • Digital download of the album
  • Album on 12" Pink Vinyl
  • Live Show Shoutout
Estimated Shipping
July 2017
8 out of 20 of claimed
Ships worldwide.

Exclusive Early-Bird Song

$100 USD
I’m working to mix a bonus track by Royal Quiet Deluxe, Chicken Band - as mentioned in a story on my album. One song appears on the actual album, but donors at the $100 level will have EXCLUSIVE early access to this song, not otherwise available on this album or anywhere else! You’ll also, of course, get the 12” vinyl and free download card.
Included Items
  • Digital download of the album
  • Album on 12" Pink Vinyl
  • Exclusive Early-Bird Song
Estimated Shipping
July 2017
1 claimed
Ships worldwide.

Limited Edition Picture Disc

$150 USD
You'll get a sweet custom-made PICTURE DISC with the album art embedded right in the vinyl and a handwritten thank-you letter inside. These will be made by Tangible Formats, independently of the 500-record run, and may have a slightly different processing timeframe.
Included Items
  • Digital download of the album
  • Limited-Edition Picture Disc
Estimated Shipping
August 2017
3 out of 5 of claimed
Ships worldwide.

Personal Story Coach/Critique

$175 USD
One hour of one-on-one storytelling coaching, via Skype or in person. I teach comedy storytelling, and one of my students appeared on ‘This Is Not Happening’ with a story that we developed in class together We could come up with a KILLER wedding toast, TED talk, work presentation, etc. , or maybe you want a little coaching to try doing a show.
Included Items
  • Digital download of the album
  • Album on 12" Pink Vinyl
  • Personal Story Coaching
Estimated Shipping
July 2017
0 out of 8 of claimed
Ships worldwide.

Private Show in the Northeast

$750 USD
I’ll come to your city and do a 45-60-minute in-person show in your home, yard, barn, or venue of your choice for you and as many people as you want. This is limited to Boston, Philadelphia, Washington, DC, Providence, RI or cities within a 4-hour travel radius from NYC by bus or train.
Included Items
  • Digital download of the album
  • Album on 12" Pink Vinyl
  • Private Show in the Northeast
Estimated Shipping
July 2017
0 out of 10 of claimed
Ships to United States of America

Private Show in North America

$1,000 USD
I'll come to your town and do a 45-60-minute in-person show for you and your friends. I’ll cover all travel and lodging up to $350, but will need you to cover beyond that. I’ll fly coach and stay in an AirBnB, or crash with someone if they don’t have cats and have a real bed with a door that shuts. This only applies to Canada & continental US.
Included Items
  • Digital download of the album (3)
  • Album on 12" Pink Vinyl (3)
  • Private Show in North America
Estimated Shipping
September 2017
1 out of 5 of claimed
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