UPDATE: The book is done! Preorder here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692636757
Nobody Likes a Cockblock
A Children's Book For Adults Who Aren't Getting Any
Excerpt:
The stars are out,
it’s dark outside.
I can see that there’s sleep
inside of your eyes.
Stay warm in your bed,
on our door do not knock.
Because nobody likes
a cockblock .
The train’s leaving the station,
it’s about to go down.
My ticket is stamped
for a trip to Pound Town.
Your job is to sleep like the heaviest rock.
Because nobody likes a cockblock.
If you're a parent who knows the pain of hearing your toddler cry over the baby monitor the second magic was about to go down (no pun intended) in your love den, this book is for you.
If you're a parent whose 4 year-old seems to know the moment you're about to break that month-long day dry spell and takes that opportunity to crap their pajama pants, this book is for you.
If you're a parent with cobwebs on your genitals who can't remember the last time they had an "O" that wasn't an "Oreo" cookie eaten while crying about their blue balls (or blue ovaries) this book is for you.
Cockblocking by children is a serious condition that affects millions of parents around the world.
Nobody Likes A Cockblock is a full color paperback children's book for adults about woodland creature moms and dads just trying to get their swerve on. It's 32-pages of inappropriate prose that will leave you laughing about your sad life. It's perfect for birthday parties, baby showers, baptisms, and of course, wedding presents.
What We Need & What You Get
The entire book has been written, the illustrations have begun, and we're going full speed ahead. We need $12,000 to get it edited for spelling grammar (we're too busy furiously masturbating), illustrations completed, manufactured for struggling parents around the world.
Here's the breakdown:
$3k - To the illustrator and e-book formatting geniuses to get the images made in all of their ridiculous glory.
$2k - To have the book professionally edited. Our brains are too fried from watching too much Caillou and Paw Patrol to get it right.
$7k -Manufacturing & Fulfillment including a kick-ass book trailer that will comfort your neglected loins.
The Impact:
Millions of parents around the world are being cockblocked by their children left and right. Whether you are a mom who has been cockblocked by fatigue from a 2-year-old who doesn't know what "Goodnight" means, or a dad who is being cockblocked by a child selfishly sleeping in between you and your spouse with their hand on her titty as if to say "I own this titty now," you are not alone.
We're passionate about this book. It's all we have to live for. Our kids have taken everything.
Challenges
Getting the word out and raising money are our biggest challenges.
If you know any parents, please help get the word out about Nobody Likes A Cockblock by sharing this. The sooner we get funded, the sooner we can rock and roll and get this book in your sex-starved hands. The projected publishing date is June 2016 (in time for Father's Day). No matter what, if you order, you're getting a book.
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Thank you!
