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FAQ: what is this is all about?
11-July UPDATE:
When I was married, I came to suffer from anxiety. The accumulation of my wife's chaotic behavior, her abuse, and the overwhelming absence of integrity were enough to cause serious physical stress. I was directed by my spouse to seek a medical solution, and I honored her request, but I was continually unsatisfied with the side-effects and noted that the condition did not abate. After almost two years my doctor and I phased out medication and within a year, under the advice of my therapist, I left my wife and the condition improved dramatically.
Today, my daughter is suffering from anxiety and recently started having trouble in school. Her mother wants to begin anxiety medication immediately, without further analysis, and so she began to seek a medical solution for our daughter in secret. When the Kaiser psychiatrist requested to consult with Fiona's school the teachers quickly said: we want you to involve the father. I was eventually provided with the doctor's name and contact information after delay and open resentment from my former wife.
When I was very clear that I would prefer to begin assessment and continue therapy before beginning this type of medication, the psychiatrist completely agreed, saying it was, in fact, her policy to do exactly that.
Soon after that, I received a threatening email from my ex-wife demanding I immediately provide written authorization to begin medication without any further delay or involvement and I kindly responded saying that I would decline and I asked her to consult with someone she trusts about the risks associated with her suggestion.
In actuality my ex-wife had already filed a motion in family court seeking to immediately and permanently remove my custody entirely as well as any involvement in medical decisions, and to discontinue all visitation as my “previous condition” (i.e.: the diagnoses from our marriage) renders me forever "unfit" to participate in this or any medical decision regarding our daughters, or parenting them any further.
Fiona's therapist (provided exclusively by the Father Team) suggested that before beginning medication for a ten-year-old girl we consider " . . . how much of her anxiety is a result of the lack of integrity in her mother's home" (the therapist's actual words resulting from her own experiences with my ex-wife) but you should understand that my ex-wife only surrounds herself with enablers.
A note from the Kaiser medical record states: "Mother, though pleasant, appears frustrated regarding not being able to try a medication right away . . ."
The most serious thing I want to convey is that my daughter is not sufferring when she is with her father. My daughter has offered unsolicited observation, many times, to several people, that she doesn't get anxious when she is with her daddy because he gives her a safe place to talk about her feelings. I also don't take away their nightlight or stuffed animals as punishment for embarrassing me in front of my partner, since they only make me incredibly proud and I would never punish them without warning or by removing their developmental tools and resources, but I digress. Suffice that impatience and resentment are not tools I use to parent.
Fiona and I are so similar in some ways. I can't help but wonder how much of this whole mess is because Fiona reminds her mother of me.
Since my former wife has been, and may again be more successful using lies than I have been when limited to the facts, she creates an imminent and real danger to Fiona and Ainsley, and time is short. I need an advocate to speak for my daughters and I have found an attorney with massive credibility within this venue and integrity to match my own.
I will appear in court in August and we desperately need YOUR help TODAY.
Please, do what you can. This is not about me. This is not about revenge. This is not a fight I want. We simply must defend my daughters. I am equal to almost all of the task. The part that remains is the lynch-pin: we need your help.
NOTE: all funds raised on indiegogo.com will be wired directly to Christy & Keith Family Law Group, P.C.
SPRING REVOLUTION
every branch on the bank of trees that guard the street-front of our apartment building is budding with bright green. soon enough it will be a canopy for the sidewalk below, a forested screen for the windows that face the world from my daughters' room.
a month ago the stand of ornamental cherry at the flank of our building was a pink and white cloud. it was entirely pristine, as though a cloud-bank had secretly made a home of our side yard to all our good-fortune. three forty-foot mature trees all in bloom at once; a vast breathtaking heaven of petals. the third floor elevator lobby just opposite my front door is a wall of windows facing these blossoming trees and my oldest daughter would ask to be excused each afternoon as we arrived home. confidently, she knew that the why of her action would not be questioned. me awash in adoration each time, discreetly, but glowing inside with pride and love and respect.
my youngest and i would go inside. leave the door wide for her, and go about our chores of putting our shoes on the shelf and washing up, unpacking homework, and so on, while her sister would be still and silent at the windows in the hall, taking in the sight of all those thousands of flowers in bloom. she would stay there for as much as five or ten minutes some afternoons, staring, or keeping company with her thoughts, or reflecting upon her day, but mostly just feeling the endorphins such a sight triggers in the beholder i imagine. all her activity arrested by beauty in a way that is unexplainable for a girl her age.
as Nihon-ophiles we have made a point of appreciating the proliferation of cherry blossoms in our neck of the woods each spring for several years now. reflecting upon the variance in size and color, the texture of each different tree's appearance; some dense as a mattress, others fragile like sea creatures. My youngest makes a point of pointing each one out in case we missed it, always dutiful that one, as we drive to and from school.
Most days my eldest will appear in the apartment after she is satisfied with her viewing, closing the door thoughtfully behind her and attending to her chores without comment; lost in her thoughts for some time after. occasionally though, i will join her before she is finished. on bended knee i follow her gaze as she leans trustingly back against me and i rest my chin on her shoulder; in my own thoughts i am admiring her patience and calm, the beauty in the brilliant absence of any tension in her countenance as she simply is at home with herself. her own best company. i silently reassure her that all is well and then return to preparing food, tidying up the household in preparation for our evening, preparing to welcome them home through the product of our kitchen, until she joins us and our family is whole again. this year's bloom lasted across several visits, she made use of each opportunity.
wise beyond her years, this one. i make sure to encourage her to be silly, to be a child, i encourage her to feel entitled to it. it is not always her tendency, she likes to return to it though she reminds me of a visitor there more than a resident sometimes. it occurs to me that in some ways she is already as far when idle as i will be on the best day of this life.
her sister, the other way, i am often reminding her to catch sight of the moment where we need her to keep up with us in being mature. they make such an interesting pair of archetypes. contradictions to each other as much as within each of them individually. simply complicated these two. always teaching me to watch and listen, witness and behold; i am forever treasuring this lesson. so much, so often.
i am excited to have her see the view from her bedroom on her next visit now that all the light in our home is made of reflected spring leaves. i expect it will not be wasted on her, not an inch of it. every inch of her alight in appreciation, up on the balls of her feet; when she sees the beauty of the world she embraces it beautifully. and each time she will show me how again. i am as struck as i am soothed by how always familiar each of these new moments seem to be.