ABOUT THE FILM
When Victoria Markham's three and 1/2 year old son, Koa Nakai Markham, died tragically in an accident, so did a part of her. As a shattered and bereaved mother she courageously willed herself to step vulnerably into her grief walk, in order to retrieve her life force and recover her soul. But what she found was also traumatizing: a culture (our modern culture) with an aversion to grief, that lacked the emotional intelligence to journey with her into the dark world of sorrow.
Our culture has forgotten its grief ways. Being given 5 days of bereavement leave at work when a beloved has suddenly died or subtly shamed for having not "gotten over it yet" are common reflections of our societal deficiency.
Gasping for air and a regenerative way forward, Victoria sought out professionals who are working to bring back soulful grief ways: Francis Weller (psychotherapist and author of The Wild Edges of Sorrow), Dr. Joanne Cacciatore (author of Bearing the Unbearable), and Dr. Ted Waird (founder of Golden Willow Retreat). With a deep background in nature-based rites of passage and eco-psychology, her journey also took her into the indigenous cultures of Hawaii, Mexico, and the Diné, in search of more vital ways of being with and moving through such life-altering grief.
For the film, we returned to interview these grief activists and other cultures in an exploration of re:membering the deep art of grieving. We also walk with Victoria into her work of journeying with others in and through the gateway of grief, driven by the depths of her own experience and a passion for serving "those who are to come next."
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When grief is not felt and expressed it hardens within us, becoming cynicism or despair. As Dr. Cacciatore said in our interview with her "we can hide from grief, but we can't hide from the consequences of hiding from grief."
What Victoria found as she refused to hide from her grief was an awakening of an "innate wisdom." As her heart broke deeper, it opened wider: "allowing me to really love for the first time. Love (previously) had conditions too. But now I love a dead child. And the love didn't stop when he died. It really allowed me to understand the capacity of the human heart."
We take a stand in this film that grief is not a burden, but a gift. It is the deep expression of how much we have loved and been loved. RE:MEMBER invites us to approach grief with respect, humility and compassion, knowing it has the capacity to awaken an innate wisdom that lives in the heart of each of us.
While the film starts as a personal journey of a bereaved mother, it then moves into the collective because grief will come for all of us. People we love die, people we need die, relationships fall apart, houses burn down, and eventually, we will die ourselves. It is the defining human experience that has the power to unify and render us more human. We take an even bigger stand in the film that learning healthy, open grief ways is paramount to our social well-being and restoring balance on the planet.
We live in a time when there is so much to grieve beyond our immediate losses: the desecration of entire communities and languages, the loss of species and habitats, broken political systems, unprecedented levels of addiction, depression, and suicide.
We circumvent the grief process at our own cost, as individuals and as a collective.
Throughout most of human history grief has been communal and accepted as a natural response-expression within the great wheel of life. Yet in our modern culture, we have forgotten our connection to the deeper natural cycles of Living. We have forgotten how to grieve, how to be with those that are grieving, and how to come together and share in this sacred space with one another.
It is time for us to RE:MEMBER!
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WHAT WE NEED
We have wrapped up about 70% of the filming and are ready to start editing in earnest. Here is a breakdown of where the funds will be going to get us to a near final cut.
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NO CONTRIBUTIONS ARE TOO SMALL...
And all contributions are tax deductible through Life Cycle Center, a 501(c)3. A receipt from Life Cycle Center will be emailed to you after the campaign is over.
THE TEAM
Victoria Markham, Producer
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Victoria is a global powerhouse on a mission to redesign the way we view grief and heal trauma in our Western, modern culture. Drawing on resources from indigenous cultures, personal experience, and study in the fields of trauma and eco-psychology, she brings a fresh and needed perspective to those who are walking the lifelong path of bereavement. She is the founder of the Life Cycle Center in Ashland, Oregon.
Katie Teague, Director
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Katie is an award winning documentary filmmaker (Money & Life) and former Sundance grantee (99% The Occupy Wall Street Collaborative Film) . With a Masters degree in Depth Psychology, she turned her tending of the world soul from the counseling room to the craft of story making. Her life's mission remained the same, just the form shifted: to help heal and transform our collective world space and bring forward a more loving, regenerative world that works for all.
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WORDS FROM THE DIRECTOR, KATIE TEAGUE
In October of 2017, I was introduced to Victoria when she was seeking a filmmaker to help tell her story. I was immediately captured by the heartbreak of Koa's death, her transformation through the agent of grief, and her unyielding passion for making a sacred space for grief in our culture. It was clear to me that she is a carrier of an important message.
Over the following months we dialogued deeply, both building rapport with each other and mutually listening into how to tell this story. I was still engaging with other projects and obligations and fitting this film into my busy schedule.
Then our filming began in earnest this past July, when I flew to Ashland, Oregon to document a 3 day retreat she facilitated with 4 other bereaved mothers. It was intimate and profound and affected me. I was beginning to more clearly feel the huge need for this film. I walked away from those 3 days with Victoria's words echoing in my head: "this film is for those who are to come next."
Less than 4 weeks later, my sweet 18 year old nephew Stephen was killed tragically in a car accident. 20 seconds from home and one day away from leaving for college. He is my sister's son. There is no way I ever could have known that my only blood sister would be "the next." I reluctantly left my sister's side 2 weeks after his death to meet Victoria in the Southwest for our previously scheduled interviews with Joanne Cacciatore and Ted Waird. These circumstances will always remain phenomenally uncanny, inexplicable, and so much greater than me.
What started as a compelling project, is now a deeply personal one. In the depths of my own profound grief walk with my family, I have moved all other projects off my plate. This is now my work. To bring this film to my sister and her husband and their two living kids, to my parents and my brothers and their kids...to those who will come next...TO THE WORLD.
In honor of Koa and Stephen's legacy.
WAYS YOU CAN HELP
1. Contribute whatever you can to RE:MEMBER!
2. Spread the Word! Please reflect on friends and family that you know this film would touch and send the link to our Indiegogo page.
3. Find us on Facebook for Updates about RE:MEMBER! https://www.facebook.com/rememberdoc
