We need funding to finalize our touching, brave and hyper relevant documentary about a taboo topic; namely the social and emotional consequences of involuntary childlessness.

‘The Mum in Me’ starts where other debates about the topic ends; when the dream about having a child just has to be set aside – what then?

What happens to a woman’s mind, her emotional life and her identity when she is hit by involuntary childlessness?

We all know that pregnancy and birth affects a woman’s life quite substantially. Still, we hardly ever talk about what it does to a woman not being able to experience childbirth, to become a mother and to follow a child through life. And this is despite the fact that involuntary childlessness is increasing all over Europe. 15-25% of women and men born after 1970 in European countries experience childlessness, 80% of them involuntarily.

The director Hilde Merete Haug is the storyteller taking the audience on a challenging, but also humorous and heartwarming journey, together with three other childless women (Cristina Archetti, Linda Malm and Hildegun Sarita Selle). The documentary tells us why the need for children is so immense for so many, and how it affects us and shapes us as human beings when it does not materialize. Sorrow, desperation, and isolation is part of the everyday life for the involuntary childless. All these aspects are illuminated in the film. Psychology specialists also tell us that involuntary childlessness can be categorized as a psychological trauma. At the same time, this documentary is about reconciliation, alternative motherhood and newfound zest for life.

What we need

As already indicated, no documentaries have been made about this topic and it is extremely rare that the involuntary childless manage to talk about their experiences in public, so there is a dire need for a film like this!

We have been working on this documentary for some years, but it has been a struggle to obtain sufficient financial support. We have received substantial funding from several leading institutions, but we are still under financed.

The documentary is 80 minutes long. All the footage and the editing is done, but the post-production phase, where we are now, and the upcoming phase of launching the film, are both under financed. We are in need of 25.000 - 30.000 Euro, and all donations are welcome. Any kind of contribution is valuable to us!

The impact

At first sight, this project might seem like it is targeted basically towards the involuntary childless women and men. We believe, however, that this documentary is of relevance to everyone who has a dream that might not be fulfilled, and to everyone who is searching for something bigger than themselves. We also believe that the film can be very useful for the ones who already have become parents, to understand the pain, guilt, sadness, sometimes even depression related to involuntary childlessness, and also mutual awkwardness and avoidance. The film will be a great instrument countering wrong/cliché thoughts about ‘each other’. And the film is definitely of relevance to the women and men who are postponing thinking about whether they want to have children or not due to higher education or their professional career. Family and friends of the involuntary childless will also benefit from the film. We want to create understanding and empathy within these groups, since the suffering can be enormous, and the childless often keep it to themselves.

Shortly said; we think this film is of relevance to just about everyone!

We believe that the film can create healing processes and make it easier for the involuntary childless to bring their stories and experiences out in the public. The so-called ‘happy child-free’ have started exposing themselves and their stories, but we will make sure that this will not make it harder for the involuntary childless to raise their voice.

The film will be screened in different arenas: 1) film festivals nationally and internationally, 2) TV-channels and streaming platforms, and 3) in special forums  where childlessness, mental health, women's issues, parenthood, etc, is on the agenda. The film will have its premiere at a Nordic documentary film festival in Norway in November, and from the beginning of 2023 it will be screened at VGTV, one of the major streaming platforms for documentary film in Norway.

The background story

Hilde Merete Haug, the Director:

“When I was a child and asked what I wanted to become as an adult, I responded 'A proper mum'. When I was 25, I wanted children very strongly, but my partner at that time was not ready, so I decided to wait until the time was right. When I was 30, my sisters and friends, gave birth to one lovely child after another - and I occasionally stated, half serious half as a joke; ‘I am afraid I will be 40 before I give birth to my first child…’ 

Today I am 58 and I have never given birth - so what happened to the mum in me, and what happened to me who never became a mum?”

Hilde was convinced she could combine a career as a social scientist in international development aid with becoming a mother, but this turned out to be impossible. She had a promising career, ironically working with pregnancy and birth issues, but since she was sharing her life with a man who first and foremost gave priority to his own academic career, she waited for too long, had several miscarriages and failed to give birth to her own children. 

This complete disharmony between expectations and reality, led to devastating consequences in Hilde’s life. 

However, life changed, and today she has three bonus children and six bonus grandchildren! She is also very close to her sisters' children and her friends' children and lives a happy and content life with her partner.

The team

Director and script: Hilde Merete Haug, Haugtussa Film AS

Director of Photography: Lars Erlend Tubaas Øymo

Editor: Jonas C. E. Kiplesund, AmodeiVisual AS

Sound design: Eirik Mordal, BRAAK 

Producer: Tore Killingland, Haugtussa Film AS

Executive producer: Hilde Merete Haug, Haugtussa Film AS

Co-producer: Malene Oppheim, Oppheim Productions

Funded by

Stiftelsen Dam, The Fritt Ord Foundation, Arts Council Norway, Sørnorsk Regionale Filmsenter, Bergesen Stiftelsen