Short Summary
Below is close to the exact same project description I wrote in April 2013 when this project was originally rejected by Kickstarter. It has been rejected three times. The only things that has since changed:
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we are no longer considering entering the wholesale market, but we are finishing a new facility to supply the market. This is happening, only stressing the dire need for a Delivery Lambo.
- we have lowered our goal from the original Gallardo LP 570-4 Spyder Performante to $97,991. Where did this number come from? It's the lowest priced used Lambo I could find on AutoTrader (coincidently, it happens to be in San Antonio), plus the 9% in fees that IndieGoGo charges. We will buy as much Lambo as we can afford with the funds we raise. You'll note that we are not doing a flexible funding campaign, this is all or nothing. If we don't raise enough, you get your money back. We aren't here to scam you and make a buck. We are here because we need a MF'ing Delivery Lambo! If we can't get one, then we don't need your money!
- If we vastly exceed our funding goal, we will buy multiple Lambos or maybe a delivery yacht. We won't use any of the proceeds to fund brewery expansion. We'll pay for all that on our own, because it seems kinda weird for a successful for-profit business to crowdfund an expansion.
What We Need & What You Get
Lemme break it down for you:
- We are a brewpub in San Antonio that makes pretty awesome beers (at least we think so). Changes to the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Code have made it possible for us to sell our beer into the wholesale tier, so we will need a vehicle to deliver beer to accounts. Without a way to get beer to accounts, no beer can get to accounts, and all this legislative work would have been for nothing. Everyone hates it when the Government changes the law for NO REASON AT ALL, so it's really important we get a delivery vehicle.
- After extensive market research, we have decided the best delivery vehicle for us is a Lamborghini Gallardo LP 570-4 Spyder Performante, featuring a 570-hp 5.2L V10 engine. Edmunds.com calls it a "wild yet civilized supercar" with "ferocious power" and "fantastic noises". (NOTE: As previously stated, we've decided any Lambo will do. This is really about the beer, not about fancy bells and whistles. It is really selfish of us to not be willing to accept any Lambo)
- What's in it for you? High-fives mostly. This may not sound that awesome to you, but that's because you've never gotten a High-five from Scott Metzger. Ask anyone who knows, they are life changing. There are also a lot of other cool perks that we've just added in order to maximize your Lambo-providing buck.
Why This is Important
Now you might be asking yourself: "Why does their delivery vehicle need to be a Lamborghini Gallardo LP 570-4 Spyder Performante?" That one is easy. At Freetail, we believe in offering the highest quality, freshest beer possible. We could, theoretically, get a Ford EconoVan to make deliveries in, but those have a realistic estimated top speed of 90 mph. Our Delivery Lambo will be capable of making deliveries at upwards of 200 mph, which ensures more than DOUBLE THE FRESHNESS over leading competitors. We care about beer at Freetail, and caring about beer means caring about Freshness, and caring about Freshness means delivering beer in a Lambo.
Another question you might be asking yourself: "Freetail is a for-profit business, couldn't you just... like... you know... use your own money for this Delivery Lambo?"Another easy one. Yes, we could. But what fun would that be? It is time to cast aside the archaic economic philosophies of our forefathers that puts corporate funds at risk for ventures that only might possibly generate a positive return. Crowd Sourcing has revolutionized capitalism. Since you aren't expecting a return on investment, there is no risk for either of us. You get a cool prize (in this case, mostly high fives) and we get a Delivery Lambo, risk free. Business will never be the same now that risk has been eliminated from the investment decision. I'm an Economics Professor, you should trust me on this.
Last thought you might have: "This is Stupid." , NO - this is NOT stupid. Tired, millenia-old economic philosophies are stupid. The old "risk-reward" model of business has tried and failed. It brought us The Great Depression, Enron, WorldCom, and the Banking Crisis. Did it also bring us a bunch of other great stuff that facilitates the industrialized lifestyles we all love and enjoy? Sure, but recall I also said ENRON, which should trigger an emotional response trumping reality. It is time to move forward to a new world of entrepreneurship - a new world free of risk and full of awesomeness. And this Delivery Lambo is how we achive this Utopian Reality.
Risks & Challenges
The biggest risk this project faces is the ability to fit multiple kegs into the cab of a Lamborghini. But that is for us to deal with, so I wouldn't worry about it. That much.
The second biggest risk is that we can't find a suitable Lambo. In no case will we settle for a Ferrari. We will keep looking and even engage in eBay auctions if we have to.
Other Ways You Can Help
Don't have a buck to contribute? You can still help. Tell your friends about the importance of Delivery Lambos and why they should contribute.
